Snarkattack

I even have a sequel to the alliterative summation, as later that same evening, despair was escalating. It has that tendency.

The day after my meltdown, the panic got worse. I took an entire tablet of diazepam (can’t remember the strength but bear in mind, a half tablet is enough to take the edge off and make me return to normal) and it did nothing. The panic continued to rise.

I rang my psychiatrist’s clinic. They had cancelled my appointment for last month and the one for this month was too far away. I said it was semi-urgent (for me, that means if I continue feeling the way I do, in 1-2 weeks I won’t be able to take care of myself at all. How embarrassing is that?!). I know she was just doing her job, but she totally blew me off - she just couldn’t wait to get me off the phone. As far as she was concerned, if I didn’t need more drugs, things were rosy and I could wait my turn.

I called a panic and anxiety counselling line, and told them I couldn’t get an appointment to see my psychiatrist (translation: the drug guy; he doesn’t do the ‘real’ work, therapy). No help there. The girl spoke to me as if she was pretending to understand my stress. Waste of time. Over and over, I explained that yes, diazepam is habit-forming but last December (2004), I’d been on it for a month and no dependency was formed. But no, I’m wrong…words words words. Idiot: has she ever taken the stuff?