WEEK 4: a paragraph a day on being dumped
I’ll make it sound flippant, but I feel anything but flippant about it. I’m most likely going to get dumped. So I thought an appropriate list should be made around the theme, more as self-consolation than for any other reason. I’m sure I deserve it, but that doesn’t seem to make it any less…painful.
1. Why I shouldn’t be sad about getting dumped. I’ll try to make it an original reason.
2. Why I am sad about potentially getting dumped.
3. Why my significant other shouldn’t dump me.
4. Why I think my significant other should dump me.
The 4 sentences will form a paragraph, for economy’s sake.
Monday 21st November, 2005
So I can tell people I’m single and trilingual, it sort of sounds cool, doesn’t it? I was just developing a liking for playing Magic the Gathering and I wanted (genuinely) to see the new cards he bought the other day. Because I’m the only person that has ever honoured the request to lick my significant other’s eyeball. Because even when he’s mad at me, he never calls me names and I say awful things to him to try and elicit some response that approximates caring.
Tuesday 22nd November, 2005
I can pout and whine to my (few) friends and they can comfort me, hopefully by taking me out for several martinis or cocktails. Hint, hint. I will have lost the only person who actually goes out of their way to remain in contact with me, or even spend time with me, or visit me at my house. Hmm, that sounds like 3 reasons, doesn’t it? Because most of the time he’s been with me, I’ve been sick and have only very recently started to get well. Because most of the time he’s been with me, I’ve been sick and not very nice to be with at all.
STOP PRESS
Very much to my great disappointment, I have in fact been dumped. I sort of expected it, but feel that I was very unfairly dismissed and wasn’t given any sort of probation or the like. So this week’s list is (genuinely) even sadder than intended. Our federal government is trying to do away with unfair dismissal in the workplace, so perhaps my ex is trying it on for size. Must be nice to be a conservative.
Wednesday 23rd November, 2005
Countless reasons for retail therapy indulgence. I won’t be able to ask his opinion on whether the eye makeup combo I’m wearing is overkill. Because two months ago, he told me he loved me for the first time even though yesterday, he claimed it took him around two months to decide he didn’t want to be with me. I can be a really good bloke and much more understanding than he gives me credit for.
Thursday 24th November, 2005
(this next one’s a corker!) I can get drunk on cheap booze on Saturday nights and no one will think I’m sad and suburban; as soon as I explain I’m dumped, people will nod acceptingly. Platonic tactile contact is really nice, I’ll miss that sort of warmth. He stood by me all that time I was sick, and now that I’ve been mentally stable for about 4 months in one whack, he doesn’t want to be with me, when I’m at my best?! I can be such a demanding cow; was reading back some of the mobile phone messages I sent him when angry and I could have been ditched waaaay back.
Friday 25th November, 2005
Won’t have to buy a summer quilt as I don’t heat up the bed quite so much on my lonesome (boys are the most amazing little personal heaters, I have to say!). I was hoping as a summer project we might do a zine together, and actually enjoy the time spent together. He was yet to experience some of the (few) culinary delights I can whip up. He chose his art over me, and even I feel that his art should be more important than me; he was - is - devastatingly talented.
Saturday 26th November, 2005
I nearly wasted a whole bunch of money on some very cute panties with a heart in the middle, which says “I love…” and then has space for you to write the name of your loved one (I’d been looking to get a pair of these for AGES and just yesterday I stumble across them). Tonight it’s bloody cold and I want my personal bed-warmer! I’m going to be famous one day and he’ll live to regret dumping me. Breakup sex (and makeup sex for that matter) is always better (I’m guessing) than the regular kind.
Sunday 27th November, 2005
I could die before the end of the year. I might not die at the end of the year. So he can come to the funeral if I die at the end of the year. My wrath at his generally shabby treatment in the holiday season will make him wish we were both dead by the end of the year.