Grace Notes @ Snarkattack

Last three weeks – ace. Even though I’m sleeping like rubbish.

A few noteworthy things.

A poet I know was down from Wollongong and we had dinner. We dined locally to me, and I had the most divine three cheese gnocchi. He seemed to like the work I presented and I’m going to submit a folio of twenty poems for some competition. I probably don’t have a chance in hell, but it’ll be good to just try, eh?

A few weeks ago, I got insulted in the city by a drug addict. He took offence to me offering to buy him food instead of just giving him money. Well, I do declare. I didn’t realise beggars could be so hoity-toity. He told me he didn’t like my attitude. Wow, I got burnt by a hobo. That’s talent.

Last night, whilst waiting outside cheap-but-nasty Camy’s Dumpling House in Chinatown, two whities and Asians got into some fisticuffs. One Asian dude was really lucky not to get glassed by a bottle, by the bogan chick. In her defence, Asian dude attacked her first, very violently. It was actually fucking scary. They apparently had been waiting an hour for food that never arrived. The fellow that left was polite, but then when bogan woman got attacked, bogan boyfriend came to the rescue and it was quite the melee.

We headed off to nearby Shanghai Noodle House which is much quieter and the service is way better. Oh my, the drunken chicken is delish.

Meeting new cats. With pantaloons.

Been meaning to do some reviews of some restaurants I went to, but exif data means the photos of said cuisine will not show the photos in the correct orientation. It is extremely frustrating.

Filched from thehomicidehoe at LJ. I filled it in on Tuesday evening – this will make sense for some of the questions.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
Midday. Yes, not morning.

2. Diamonds or pearls?
I love pearls.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Samson and Delilah

4. What is your favourite TV show?
I don’t really have a favourite TV show, but I loved The X-Files when I did.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Those manky liquid breakfast drinks, a cup of tea and my meds.

6. What is your middle name?
My mother’s first name. (A friend of mine tells me this is unfortunate)

7. What food do you dislike?
Boiled eggs, offal.

8. What is your favourite CD at the moment?
Erm, probably the Holy Fuck album.

9. What kind of car do you drive?
Mazda tiny whatsit. Hmm, I ought to find out the model eh?

10. Favourite sandwich?
Cheese, tomato and ham.

11. What characteristic do you despise?
Lying! Gah.

12. Favourite item of clothing?
Fake leather jacket.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Canada!

14. Favourite brand of clothing?
Don’t have one at the moment. If I could afford it, I’d buy Nicola Finetti though. Yum.

15. Where would you retire to?
Probably somewhere in Europe.

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
20th or 25th

17. Favourite sport to watch?
Football NOT handegg. (giggles for Luke)

18. When is your birthday?
March 18th

19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
NIGHT

20. What is your shoe size?
6 aus / 4 uk

21. Pets?
A tabby cat.

22. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us?
My mentor is coming to visit me next week!

23. How are you feeling today?
Earlier, nauseous. Now – excited and nervous

24. What are your favourite sweets?
I like so many – too difficult a question.

25. What is your favourite flower?
Orchids, christmas lilies.

26. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
I’ve nothing specific to look forward to at present, but nothing to dread either.

27. What is your full name?
Ask me in person.

28. What are you listening to right now?
Coil’s ‘Love’s Secret Domain’ album

29. What was the last thing you ate?
chickpeas

30. Do you wish on stars?
no

31. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Lemon yellow

32. How is the weather right now?
Cold but crisp

33. The last person you spoke to on the phone yesterday?

@tristankenney whereas today my doctor’s secretary.

34. Favourite soft drink?
Creamy soda.

35. Favourite restaurant?
Momotaro Rahmen, Richmond (in Melbourne, Australia).

36. Hair Colour?
Natural very dark brown.

37. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Mooy. I don’t want to talk about it. Too painful.

38. Summer or winter?
Winter, undoubtedly.

39. Hugs or kisses?
Well, I only like either from people I’m really close to.

40. Chocolate or Vanilla?
chocolate

41. Coffee or tea?
tea

42. When was the last time you cried?
Well, my eyes watered when I threw up this morning. But I can’t really remember the last time I cried. I suspect it would have been about my ex though.

43. What is under your bed?
Nothing – nothing fits under it

44. What did you do last night?
Chatted online to a friend.

45. What are you afraid of?
Oh god so much.

46. Salty or sweet?
I can’t choose.

47. How many keys on your key ring?
7 or so?

48. How many years at your current job?
Almost 2 years

49. Favourite day of the week?
Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturdays

50. How many towns have you lived in?
UK: Balham, Abbeywood, Croydon.
Philippines: Cardona.
Australia: Mill Park, Brunswick West, North Melbourne

I can’t even remember how it was that I came to think that I’d like The Grey Daturas – maybe it was the drone/noise thing, whatever. It’s not really important.

The short review of their gig at the Arthouse, Melbourne is they produce sounds that made me want to take off my panties and press my privates to the bare wooden floor.

The long review is as follows.

Distortion on the guitar – lots of it. Just the two guitars, gently building note upon note, harmonic upon harmonic. Some of the sounds spike up towards the higher registers (I didn’t like these so much) but most were very low and vibrated constantly.

I begin to understand why noise gigs are so amazing: it’s as much a physiological experience as it is an emotional one. I felt many of the long, droning, low frequencies vibrate up as far as my throat, and move down to my hips. Given that everyone has a different resonant frequency (our lungs are cavities, after all), I imagine that it’s going to feel different for everyone.

So the guitars are building this gorgeous lush wall of noise and vibration, and everything gets louder and more intense. Eventually, the drums come in.

What I loved was they really control how they lead their audience up to their climax, and let them down with as much care. I am not kidding when I say this gig was as moving (and heartbreaking, in a way) as some of the best classical music concerts I’ve ever been to.

My only complaint is they didn’t play for long enough – just the one track (which, to be fair, went for at least half an hour).

Afterwards, Flipper played for a good two hours. They were great, but The Grey Daturas had already carried my heart away. Awesome rowdy punk. I went alone (again!) but very, very pleased with myself for having made the effort on what was a very cold winter night in Melbourne. Cheers to @lukeii for having dinner with me beforehand.

Pinched from Dee – been a while since I did one of these. I’m too lazy to correct the American spelling, sorry.

50 Random Questions

1. What color is your toothbrush?
Purple, my favourite colour
2. Name one person who made you smile today
The lollipop man on Miller St, Nth Fitzroy!.
3. What were you doing at 8am this morning?
Irritating my workmate.
4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Driving.
5. What is your favorite candy bar?
Ooh toss-up between Bounty and Twix.
6. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No, but I have seen two strippers perform.
7. What is the last thing you said aloud?
Thanks.
8. What is your favorite ice cream?
A good rich chocolate.
9. What was the last thing you had to drink?
Peppermint tea.
10. Do you like your wallet?
I love it – it has a pullable cat tail on it!
11. What was the last thing you ate?
Gnocchi quatro formaggi!
12. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
No.
13. The last sporting event you watched?
Probably a UEFA cup game on TV.
14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
Buttered.
15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to?
My workmate Stu.
16. Ever go camping?
Yes, but it’s been a really long time..
17. Do you take vitamins daily?
No.
18. Do you go to church every Sunday?
No, thank god.
19. Do you have a tan?
Well, I’m naturally brown. I don’t mind occasional sun but I actually burn in the sun so I’ve got to be careful.
20. Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
Ooh, depends on how good or bad they are.
21. Do you drink your soda with a straw?
Not really. Sometimes out of a glass but rarely.
22. What did your last text message say?
I’ll be there in 20
23. What are you doing tomorrow?
Working and probably destroying my liver.
25. Look to your left, what do you see?
Ironing board.
26. What color is your watch?
I don’t wear one as they make me anxious.
27. What do you think of when you hear Australia?
Far.
29. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Drive-through, unless I’m drunk and have to sit there to eat. No, I didn’t drive there drunk.
30. What is your favorite number?
I don’t really have one.
31. Who’s the last person you talked to on the phone?
Stu.
33. How many states have you lived in?
One in Australia.
34. Biggest annoyance right now?
Painful stomach and can’t figure out why.
35. Last song listened to?
One of the tracks off the Holy Fuck album
36.Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Not without intense concentration, I’d wager.
37. Do you have a maid service clean your house?
No, but am thinking of paying for one for a week for my mother for her birthday.
38. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
My favourite shoes are not ones I wear all the time. Ones I wear all the time are my slip-on faux sneakers. Fave ones are my bright red high-top ones.
39. Are you jealous of anyone?
I get pangs of it, but I find it really hard to sustain being jealous.
40. Is anyone jealous of you?
I highly doubt it.
41. Do you love anyone?
Romantically? Possibly still my ex. In a filial manner, many people.
42. Do any of your friends have children?
A few.
43. What do you usually do during the day?
When at work, answer calls. When not, I read and spend a lot of time listening to music or on the internet.
44. Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
No. I’m scared of some people, but I don’t hate anyone.
45. Do you use the word ‘hello’ daily?
Not really. Probably ‘hi’ or ‘hullo’.
46. What color is your car?
Silver
47. Do you like cats?
No, I LOVE them!
48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
Yes, my father – wondering if he’s feeling better from his bronchitis.
49. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Um, dunno what that is.
50. How did you get your worst scar?
My awesome Russia-shaped one from childhood on my left knee that has sadly faded – from falling out of a guava tree in the Philippines. My current worst ‘zipper’ – from a craft knife.

I was talking to a friend’s boyfriend the other day who did once write poetry and he asked me “What do you write about?”.

I always find this really difficult to answer. Yea eloquence fail.

So…I thought I’d do a summary of what I’ve written so far this year:

- just this morning, I wrote a poem about plums. Largely inspired by slivovitz and this William Carlos Williams poem
- a poem about a dead moth, this one in particular
- a poem inspired by the sociological theory called Dunbar’s number
- a Richard Brautigan three-liner about cafe lattes
- a verse novel one about another drunk night at a tavern

Non-poetry-wise, blogging, semi-reviewing and fervently recording my dreams. People with problems have weird dreams. At the moment I seem to be hellbent on reviewing just about everything. This is a little silly.

As stupid as it sounds, I do often put a bit of effort into my tweets. Yes, I realise this is inanity at its best. However, it’s a challenge – some people have a skill for making the inane sound really, really interesting (a constant work in progress on my part).

Compare “waiting to have a haircut” to “waiting at the doctor’s and the magazines tell me Hillary Clinton is our only hope”. The latter tweet was from Neil Gaiman, and made well after Obama was inaugurated. Guess if you can write, even your microblogging seems awesome.

Had a bit of a crap day at first. I don’t think my workmate realised that in trying to be funny and teasing he was actually a bit harsh. Plus they have me in this crazy box at work! It’s freezing!

Anyway, I pinched this idea solely from Ingmar. We’re supposed to be doing a collaborative artistic project but I’m still waiting for his part. Bit bummed about that too, but am now formulating more projects which don’t rely upon people (which is hard because I have no originality whatsoever). Unless, oddly enough, Kyle Cassidy fulfils a bargain/promise he’s instigated (um, no. I am not collaborating with him. Haha, as if).

Anyway, here’s my visual diary.

1pm

Waiting for the train on the platform. I don’t catch the train supremely regularly, but it was the first time I’d noticed the “mind the gap” warning on the edge of the platform.

3pm

Work. They try to make the place look cheery by decorating it with these idiot lanterns (ha, see what I did there?) but for some reason, it only adds to the soul-destroying nature of it. I finally have my own desk but they’ve stuck me in a corner where I barely fit.

5pm

My boss let me move desks to where it was warmer. I found a cookie, still wrapped. I am not ashamed to say I ate it when I know it did not belong to me, giggle. It was like it was filled with a crunchy Nutella!

7pm

Picked up a present and a CD order before I went out to dinner and a film in Carlton.

9pm

At the film with friends old and new, I bought some coconut and lime kaffir gluten and dairy-free sorbet as dessert. Delish!

Before you go apeshit on my arse for not centre aligning my photos, please listen to me plead my case: I tried, really, I did. The auto-choose-your-own-alignment doesn’t work, and yes I resorted to what little html I know, to no avail.

You will excuse me for choosing shower & bed over flawlessly published web documents. Sorry.

(continuation of CD reviews from this post)

Future of the Left, Curses

The band Future of the Left is made up of some of the members of the now-defunct Welsh punk outfit mclusky. They loved Australia, and gigged here frequently. Sadly, I was not able to catch them in that incarnation, but when I heard that all of them were still musically active, I got excited.

Having said that, I’m a bit bummed to say that Curses is not quite as exciting as I hoped it would be. Sure, we’re graced with Falkous’ unmistakable vocals (seriously, the man could make joining the KKK sound fun and punchy…I don’t know if that’s a good thing!), and the guitar is nice and crunchy like mclusky’s but it’s different, probably because it’s got a bit more of a psychedelic rock edge to it (cheers to the keyboard). The drum tracks sound synthesised, too.

The album does open on a strong note with ‘the lord hates a coward’, and songs like ‘fingers become thumbs!’ or ‘kept by bees’ sound very pub-rock rollicking and cheery. ‘wrigley scott’ sounds a lot like old-school mclusky. The songs are also really short, just like good old-fashioned punk. My favourite song off the album is ‘real men hunt in packs’ which I believe was released as a single.

That’s cool though – of course they don’t need to sound like their previous incarnation. This album’s a bit more deliberate and produced.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs, It’s Blitz!

They’re definitely continuing the more mellow vibe that was displayed on their previous album Show Your Bones; personally I prefer their more raucous, punk sound as evident from their debut album.

Having said that, the opening track ‘Zero’ is pretty sexy. It’s a nice, slow lead-in to the album. This pretty much continues with the second track ‘Heads Will Roll’ but after that, I have to say, it’s a little lacking in energy (usually you wouldn’t be able to listen to one of their albums for some late-night quiet reflection time, but am finding this fine for just that). But…is it okay to suggest that the YYYs have got soft in their older age? Of course, that’s fine, but I don’t know that I really will enjoy this album as much as I did the previous two. It’s an interesting mood change for them.

Not sure if all copies have them but my copy was advertised as having bonus tracks – four of the album’s songs as acoustic versions. These are beautiful (I am partial to acoustic renditions, I confess).

I expected to get obsessed with this album and play the hell out of it, but it’s not going to happen.

I cannot get the last stanza of Wilfred Owen’s ‘Strange Meeting’ out of my head. It’s been there the last couple of days.

I am the enemy you killed, my friend.
I knew you in this dark: for so you frowned
Yesterday through me as you jabbed and killed.
I parried; but my hands were loath and cold.
Let us sleep now…’

Last fortnight or so has been good: busy, exhausting and chaotic but generally speaking, good. The three-week reign of panic attacks seems to have ended. I am not as strict with my night meds as I should be.

I haven’t been writing much, but my mind has been very active on that front. Today (or rather, yesterday), I had to stay home due to a crippling IBS episode. I was still an undergrad when I first got IBS – been ages since the pain’s been so bad that I couldn’t be upright. A very annoyed me rang work to inform them I’d not be in and stormed off to bed.

I got to read the first half of the Adelaide-based Wet Ink – recently Melbourne-based journal Overland had a great subscription offer going so you could subscribe to two journals at once. I wished that I’d chosen the Overland/Meanjin one, but I’ve subscribed to Meanjin before, thought it’d be nice to give Wet Ink a go.

So far, I don’t really like Wet Ink. The layout is irritating (it seems a bit faux-arty), and the pieces so far aren’t fantastic, with the exception of one – a short story in the form of a high school examination paper where the answers are given by a Rwandan refugee (a brief aside: I am disgusted to learn that some people think asylum seekers come here to drain Australia of resources its “real” citizens would otherwise need. Also, there’s no such thing as an illegal refugee. For fuck’s sake, people…). Anyway, the short story in question is ‘The examination’ by Ryan O’Neill, in issue 14 of Wet Ink.

I got back a submission today from Famous Reporter: of course the poem the editor liked was the one that was, in a way the easiest to write (it was also only four lines – hehe, I should take that as a queue to perhaps shut up!). He didn’t say anything about the one that another Melbourne poet and educator told me I should try to get published. Hmm. Three of the five poems I submitted were what I’d consider some of my best.

Waiting on hearing back about two other submissions, and then I guess the submission cycle starts all over again.

In other poetry news, the newly appointed Oxford Professor of Poetry Ruth Padel has resigned after a week. Turns out that she could not fully shrug off the rumours that she had some sort of involvement in the Derek Walcott smear campaign. Apparently, it was expected she’d pull out after Walcott announced his withdrawal from consideration.

What, a poet, a sleaze? Well I do declare!

(Having said that, sexual harassment is not cool. Yea for it being illegal in Australia, racist backwater that we are, according to Telstra former chief Sol whatsit. Yeah, I know, I can go to a news source and see how his last name is spelt, but I’m too busy telling off workmates for calling people of Asiatic origins “gooks”. True story)

It was a chilly Monday evening, a few weeks ago. Quite far from where I currently live, there’s a beautiful old-style cinema called the Astor, in Windsor. A good friend of mine had organised for a few of us to see the film Baraka (which I think has dated incredibly, but has stunning cinematography – also, the print was in stellar condition).

I’d left an hour and a half early, and my friend Col couldn’t turn up because of work. So, I was alone. I bought my ticket, and waited.

The foyer, unusually, was empty. I’d expected lots of people to turn up to see the film.

About twenty minutes before the film was to start, a cat wandered out. I was quite surprised, and gleeful. She walked past me and hopped onto the lap of a gentleman who was sitting on one of the couches. Shyly, we conversed about the cat’s boldness.

Him and his partner left and the cat sat on the worn couch by herself. The above photo I took when I was sitting next to her, waiting. She’s very friendly and quite used to people. Her nametag said she was called Marzipan.

After the film, I saw one of the ushers sitting next to her. I wandered over and asked him if the cat belonged here. He said yes, she did, and that she wasn’t afraid of large crowds of people, and that she was spoilt rotten and quite well for her eighteen years. I grinned like a kid as he spoke about her. We said goodbye and he told me to come back.

If you should ever find yourself at the Astor, I hope you meet her. She’s really quite a darling.

I defy you to think otherwise after viewing the following clip:

Hee hee. I’ve got more poetry cred than a member of Blur! I read complete Auden in high school. Yeah, that made me popular. < / sarcasm >

This having a job malarkey is actually kind of good for purchasing stuff.

I’ve been buying shitloads of books lately, and reading shitloads too.

I’d come across a reworking of ‘The Snow Queen’ fairytale on one of the LJ poetry comms I’m a member of and based on the strength of the poem, ordered the book by the author. Her name is Jeannine Hall Gailey and the poetry volume in question is called Becoming the Villainess. So far, I love it (and yes, in case you’re wondering, I’m horrendously picky when it comes to poetry…).

Although my father (!?) had told me about it a while ago, it was only when the Melbourne-based Falcon vs Monkey, Monkey Wins publisher brought out a copy of their Torpedo magazine (vol #4) solely dedicated to American sort-of beat writer Richard Brautigan that my ears pricked up in interest. I bought a copy of said magazine and was so impressed I’ve just committed to purchasing vol #5 (fiction/short stories).

Adelaide-based Wet Ink magazine and Melbourne-based Overland journal had some sort of joint subscription going so I took advantage of that and have the current copy of Wet Ink in my hands. I’ve flipped through it and to be honest am not overly impressed. But of course I’ll give it a proper chance and read through it properly over the weekend.

Submit one day? Maybe…sigh.

I think finding exes and ex-friend nasty poets, as well as genuinely nice, talented fellow writers in print is giving me serious status anxiety. Can you tell?

(also – support local writers!)

Yes, I’ve started riding again! Though my bike is a little out-of-shape and needs some attention, I’m determined to get back in the saddle, so to speak. I thought my gears were going to break out into some industrial tunes, such is their crunchiness. I am terrible when it comes to bike maintenance but I best learn! Naturally, my timing is appalling: it’s a very cold autumn in Melbourne and I live in an area that is not at all bike-friendly, despite it having bike lanes along the main roads.

As happens, I stumbled across something interesting on the internet – an article about the world’s fifteen most bike-friendly cities – I was quite surprised to see that Perth (for my international chums, an Australian city) is among them.

It’s a pretty cool list and I’m sure Rob and Ris will be happy to hear that Paris is among the list too.

Carol Ann Duffy, a Scottish (female) (gay) poet is the new Poet Laureate of Britain! This is fantastic news, as she is a superb poet.

I’d do it for the grog, as most of us know, poetry doesn’t pay.

I’d been gunning for her to get this post for ages and now she has. Whee! Hopefully she’ll be a bit more active than Sir Andrew Motion – haven’t heard anything about the work he’s written whilst he’s had this post though I hear it’s been hard for him.

Got some Villainess decants – I don’t think these are available on the actual Villainess website? Anyway, impressions as follows:

Masala – as the name suggests, very (south Asian) Indian-inspired. Initially, it smells like chai (which I happen to think is glorious). This would make a fantastic room fragrance – it’s very sensual and evocative. Once it dries down, it doesn’t smell so much of chai but a burnt liquorice (this is the anise coming through). The only note I cannot detect is the dark cocoa – this fragrance is not as sweet as the notes might make it sound, or indeed, as sweet as chai which I understand is traditionally brewed with condensed milk.

Smoky, single-estate keemun tea liberally spiced with cinnamon, cloves, black pepper, ginger and aniseed, softened with milk, and barely sweetened with dark cocoa.

Kill-Switch – Mmm, I love plum-based fragrances. The cherry cognac in this smells a little artificial to my nose. There’s definitely something salty but I wouldn’t say it’s sweat – it reminds me a bit of saltwater taffy, perhaps? No amber whatsoever.

Dark, resinous amber, black plum and black musk with a little spike of cherry cognac, and a drop of salty sweat.

Xia – sweet and smoky, very alluring. Gah, why are these blends so sophisticated! I thought I detected some clove at the very beginning. It could be black pepper though. I thought this would be suited to the warmer weather because of the orchid but it’s quite an evening/autumnal blend.

Voluptuous orchid and black vanilla stained with blackberry juice, flecked with black pepper, and sprinkled with dry, bitter cocoa. An exercise is dark decadence, grounded by sandalwood drenched in amber.

Sigh, I can’t believe it took me so long to give my thoughts on three fragrances. Oh well!

The last in the ‘Twilight’ series Breaking Dawn is upon me. I have to admit that I really struggled with the first half of the book. Why, I hear you ask?

(Yes, there are spoilers ahead. If you’ve not read the book and don’t want to know what’s next, please don’t read on.)
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By no stretch of the imagination am I a tech geek. Nu-uh. I think as far as arts geeks go, I tend to like getting my feet wet in some geekery, but not much.

A few weeks ago, I got a Nokia N95 and didn’t really think much of it at the time. I mean, it phones people, it saves numbers, woo-hoo.

Then, one evening I sat down with it and started to look into what it was this thing could really do. Hm. Mobile versions of websites, applications. Wot wot? I thought that stuff was only good for iPhones (which are the devil but I secretly lust after it. Are you happy, Amy?).

Some of you may know about my love for music. Fewer of you know of my love for scrobbling and last.fm. Imagine the figurative jizz in my pants when I discovered an application, specifically for the N95 that allows whatever I listen to on said N95 to scrobble.

The application is called Mobbler. I’ve installed it on my N95 and it indeed does work. I haven’t tested it with listening to actual last.fm radio stations (I don’t use that function much as streaming is slow and to be honest, I have shitloads of music to listen to as it is).

So yeah, now the music I listen to at work to combat Bad 10-Year Old Techno-Listening Guy will actually scrobble. Yeah, I know, easily amused. My life is crap, cut me some slack.

Yeah, Summer of Gelato 2008-9 is officially over. It’s coooooooold!

Here’s what I tried. The flavours are not mixed together – they were separate.

- plum pudding & blood orange – that place on Bridge Rd, Richmond
- pistachio & chocolate – Pellegrini’s, Bourke St, city
- raspberry, apricot & green tea – the place near Argyle Place, Carlton, on Lygon St

Cheers to my beloved Amy for reacquainting me with the love that is gelato. It’s quite refreshing and a good deal better for the lactose-intolerant!