Is the word that explains me best at present. Things have been worse than this but…the isolation is deafening.
Today was relatively constructive even though it’s been two weeks now since I had anything published on Blogcritics. In the next week or so, there will be quite a few going up, with some hope. Definitely three, at the least.
The person that originally agreed to move out with me found someone else to live with. It pains me to admit I’m actually resentful. Moving out by myself still isn’t an option because it’s too expensive, so it looks like I may have to move into a sharehouse. I have this dreadful feeling that I’m not exactly going to find it easy to be accepted.
Which is super-bad: only because it means I might not be able to attend a poetry workshop in January 2007. Going to the workshop I could afford (it’s almost 600 Australian dollars) but I completely forgot about how exactly I’d get up to Wollongong which is 12 hours’ drive from here? Given the amount of uppers and downers I’m on, driving doesn’t seem like a good idea.
Imagine, an entire working week of classes, workshops, readings and such devoted entirely to all things poetry! It sounds wonderful. Next year, I believe the Easter Viol School is going to be hosted in Melbourne. Total book and music nerd bliss - provided I can afford it.
It wasn’t a decision I was keen on, but alas I’ve decided not to apply to go back and do postgrad study. So, another year and no professional writing and editing studies for me. It was probably my own fault for entertaining the notion before moving out of my parents’ place. Probably also best seeing as I’ll have to start going back to therapy.
It feels like the year has been swallowed up and I’ve achieved nothing. I know that isn’t true - especially given that I’ve written a fair few reviews (still not enough, but hey, they’re chosen by the editors and resyndicated so at least what little I churn out is passable). Getting a poem published was pretty cool too, even if it was online. That reminds me, now that I’m not so upset about the stupid thing I did, I should show it off to a few selected souls. It should be something to celebrate.
No fair, I want to go to writing school! Poo. Why did it take so long to get the courage to follow my true artistic leanings? Guess NMD and I have that in common, except that he’s actually going to be successful at what he does.
