*enter Survivor’s hit song here*
So I have this plan, it’s kind of like a training regime Rocky Balboa-style but as well as the physical stuff, I have to keep a handle on the mental stuff too. So far, it’s been working well - if you discount the fact that the last 2 days I’ve been hit with either irritable bowel syndrome, side effects of my mood stabilisers (colitis-like symptoms) or a tummy bug.
The bathtub was cleaned out on Sunday evening and I took full advantage by having a glorious soak. I went to bed and slept so well that night - and was able to get up early. I even managed to sleep in my bed, though I’ve changed sides (it’s almost paranoid, but I sleep on the side closest to the door, and with the door open. I don’t feel safe otherwise).
After my last bout of deterioration, it’s really hit me that I’ve got to pay more attention to my appearance and socialisation. So, no more spending all day in pyjamas all day - I must have breakfast, at the kitchen counter, away from the computer. Immediately after, I must have a wash, brush teeth and hair and get dressed. If I can manage it, makeup is good, even if just lipbalm - even fragrance. That can do all sorts of things for the mood.
Sound stupid? You’d be surprised to see just how easy it is to not give a shit about these things when you’re mind-sick. I mean, who cares if you’re dishevelled? Who’s going to see?
Once dressed, then I can start up the computer, but generally speaking, the day should begin with reading - review material, at present. I must break for lunch and make sure I drink fluids. Before lunch, I should spend at least 10 minutes power walking on the treadmill (it belongs to my father) and must aim to do this everyday. It’s not much but it’s better than nothing.
What else? I have to make the effort to see a friend once a week. Eventually, I’ll be aiming to get out twice a week, once by myself in the city centre. Naturally, I’m not going to be spending my time with people who make me feel like shit.
I also have to start attending therapy regularly again, once a week. I’m not at all happy about that because a particular issue I was hoping to discuss I wanted to defer till I had moved out of my parents’ place.
On Monday, all this stuff went really well! I got through those tasks, and tried out a skipping rope only to discover just how appallingly unfit I was! Hence defaulting to the treadmill. I don’t want to run, it’s more important for me to just be active. I used to be the sort of person that was so active that exercise wasn’t something I had to ‘do’ and I miss that. I caught up with NMD and we went out to have some Vietnamese food, because this awesome ramen place we frequent was closed.
Tuesday I maintained my self-care, but couldn’t do any work because of my stomach - the pain was excruciating. Today was a little bit better. I stayed in my pyjamas all day but did have a wash and brush my hair. I had to wear loose clothing because my stomach was swollen to two sizes above its normal size (this is most uncomfortable). However, I did get work done and am hoping to have a review finished by the end of the day.
All these little things that people take for granted, it’s so embarrassing that they become so difficult but if the general public doesn’t know or understand what it is like, then it makes things harder for everyone. It gets tiring, being constantly misunderstood, even by so-called ‘nice’ people. I’m sure I’ve said it before but no one that claims that they’re nice can actually be that nice. They’re lying to themselves and others.
Damn I want to march down the street with big hair and and flared blue jeans on my way to a rock band rehearsal, à la the Survivor clip to the song ‘Eye of the Tiger’.
