There is a small part of me that really wants to be a burlesque dancer. No, it doesn’t have anything to do with yesterday’s book purchase (or rather, I mean, I got that book because of my interest in it, rather than it making me interested in it).
Sadly, upon looking at the newly acquired book, it seems that I have this knack for picking professions I’m clearly meant to struggle to be any good at.
Problems - why it’s going to be hard for me to be a burlesque dancer:
- I do not possess a 22 inch waist! Damn you Dita! Gosh, and I’ve been bragging about how there is a cat with a bigger waist than me in the world! But I could never hate Dita…sigh
- Dyed hair. It’s not dyed, it’s just a boring brown-black colour. Yawn. Apparently, it has to be either jet black or blonde. I’m not sure I want to dye my hair - ever. Why should I? It’s been undyed for so long now that to do it would be…odd.
- High heels - I’m not so good wearing them. It could even be a health hazard what with my meds making me a shaky retard and all. Looking clumsy isn’t all that sexy, is it?
- I have no idea how anyone would even go about learning to be a burlesque dancer. Where would I practise? I think I could come up with routines but seeing as I live with my family, I wouldn’t even dream of trying them out in my room, or even the bathroom!
- Lastly…I’m not prepared to get cosmetic surgery to enhance my, er, bust. It could do to be bigger. We can’t all be as fortunate as Dita, sob sob. Using padding is not an option, especially if it’s all coming off…eventually.
- What the hell am I going to do for costumes? Corsets and pasties could be expensive.
- I’m not your typical glam siren - that’s probably the nicest I’ve been about my looks in a while. Hm, let’s hope my acting will save me…
Things that could work in my favour should I want to pursue this whole thing:
- I’m short! Should I ever want to do the jump-out-of-the-cake routine, it’ll be easier for them to make me a cake. I hope that works to my advantage.
- Curvy, moi? Hmph, yes. If I have a bigger waist than Dita who is 5′6” then that makes me curvy which is favoured in burlesque dancers.
- I can do cheeky, yet innocent. The big, round, brown eyes come in handy for something after all! The eyelashes I’m also prepared to ‘work’.
- People tend to find me cute. It’s not the same as pretty, or beautiful, or stunning, but it’s better than nothing.
- I have a few accessories, like unusual vintage shoes and a selection of red lipsticks, that are apparently suited to burlesque.
- Oh! I know French so I could do a show lip synching songs of Serge Gainsbourg.
This is my third attempt at doing a post - the day has been a complete waste. My plans were thwarted and it’s thrown me off completely. I’d actually forgotten that I meant to go to uni today but had committed to having someone visit, who then cancelled. I’ve been very short on ideas and motivation since! I cleaned my bedroom for nothing, haha.
