In an attempt to not focus on my pitiful existence, I thought I’d write an open letter to the spider residing in one of the corners of my bathroom.
Dear Daddy Long Legs,
I understand that we can coexist in the same living space, really I do. However, I feel that there are a few things you might like to keep in mind when I am showering or bathing. Irrational as it may be, your presence is a little frightening for me, and while I am not life’s greatest fan, I don’t really fancy being discovered as having died because I slipped in the bathtub as a result of my panic whilst scuffling to get out in a rush. I don’t want my family to see me naked, how embarrassing!
So, by all means, feel free to keep residing in said corner but bear the following in mind -
Please, I beseech you, do not attempt descent while I’m showering. I don’t understand why you would do this after remaining in the same spot for days on end! Even though objectively speaking I know you can’t do me harm, it still causes me great panic when you descend in my direction. Can you try it when I’m not showering? I’d appreciate it very much, and it also ensures I don’t end up splashing you to wash you down the plughole.
Yours, human resident who is slightly afraid of you.
