Grace Notes @ Snarkattack

Yeah, Summer of Gelato 2008-9 is officially over. It’s coooooooold!

Here’s what I tried. The flavours are not mixed together – they were separate.

- plum pudding & blood orange – that place on Bridge Rd, Richmond
- pistachio & chocolate – Pellegrini’s, Bourke St, city
- raspberry, apricot & green tea – the place near Argyle Place, Carlton, on Lygon St

Cheers to my beloved Amy for reacquainting me with the love that is gelato. It’s quite refreshing and a good deal better for the lactose-intolerant!

I went back to work this week. Holy fuck, the panic attacks are insane. I carry diazepam around with me now, sob.

Fri 24/4

Went to a Melbourne Comedy Festival gig at the Melbourne Museum with @01000101 and @sweet_libertine. Three different comedians take you on a tour of selected areas of the museum. I’d never been before (the old one used to be where the State Library is now), and it’s pretty impressive. Quite funny that this really modern building is next to a World Heritage listed one – the Royal Exhibition Building which is just grand. But the show! It was funny, though I felt that one of the comedians wasn’t quite as funny as the other two. There’s also something really cool to be said about creeping round massive public buildings after-hours.

Us three Twitterettes then went to Trotters in Carlton for a spot of dinner (I had lamb and rosemary sausages with spinach and mash). T left us to catch up with friends she bumped into, and F & I went into Borders to lose some money. She bumped into someone, we left Borders poorer, then skipped across the road to lose even more money at Readings.

Borders & Readings spoils!

It was really nice to go bookshopping with someone who gets as excited and lusty over books as you do. Also, I fail at centre-aligning this photo.

Sat 25/4
Melbourne Comedy Fest gig again – this time, ‘Luke’s Got Cancer’ at the Melb Town Hall. I went with TJ and her partner Paul who were both very, very unwell. I really enjoyed Luke’s show but probably because I’ve met him a couple of times and find him fairly funny. I have to say that while I belly-laughed heaps of times during the show when others were quiet (you better appreciate that, Luke), it did make me very sad: it made me think incessantly of what Z must have gone through (which of course invariably depressed me), and then just thinking of him altogether makes me think < insert your favourite emo thought here >. But hey, there are some days when it’s funny that you’ve been dumped by a cancer survivor because they couldn’t deal with your illness. Some days…

It also reminded me of my lesser but nevertheless chronic struggles to find meds that don’t fuck up your system. I mean yes, it was rather funny when I still lived in North Melb and was on *that* medication that made me throw up for five months nearly everyday. Doctor sez: “Oh Gem, your system will adjust to it in two or so months and you’ll feel fine” (I did eventually come off that med for something a little less vomit-inducing). Also, try explaining to work that no, you’re not late or having to go home early because you’ve got morning sickness, it’s just my meds. Sometimes, one just wants the comfort of having an illness that that more physical manifestations. I’m not saying I’d prefer to have cancer, hell no, I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone (no, not even the few people I hate). I guess it’d just be nice if society had a bit more understanding that mental/psychological illnesses have a lot more physical symptoms than one would normally assume.

Having said that, the folks at Epping Centrelink were exceedingly nice to me when I broke out into a Septimus-style panic attack when two bogans got into a fight in the queue.

Oh dear, I went on a mental illness rant, didn’t I?

Anyway, the delicious Justin was also at the show and I got to meet his crew @swingdag and Si. We headed off to Manchuria Bar (nice choice!) after the show and I got home at the ungodly hour of 3.30am.

* * *
Today, I’ve been reading a wonderful local (Melb, Aus) publication by Falcon vs. Monkey, Monkey Wins, the entire issue is devoted to Richard Brautigan, an American Beat-gen writer. I only encountered him recently last year and he’s just fantastic. The thing I enjoy most about what I’ve read of his is that he adds irreverence and humour to stereotypes and cliche. Best such example I can think of is profound saying 3. It’s 25 AUD for a copy, and comes with wonderful illustrations, contributions from Brautigan’s daughter, and even a piece by Stanley Donwood (the fellow who does the art for Radiohead’s albums and such).

My cat still thinks he’s ghetto at his distinguished age and was shot up with hardcore antibiotics after some wounds of his got infected. I bought Cooking Mama on the Wii and suck at it because I use “too much mind!” (you have to imagine that in a cutesy Japanese girl voice).

I’m also waiting on a Nanoloop cartridge – the synth that was used to make the sounds for the Nintendo GameBoy. It’s nice to be able to enjoy chiptunes without getting all teary. I am currently addicted to a song by PDF Format which is really a chiptunes cover of “God Only Knows” by the Beach Boys (can be obtained for free on the web if you Google).

Anyway, back to reading so I can write more. So far this year has yielded two serious poems. I’ve written a whole bunch of other things but those I wouldn’t even give to illiterati.

What do you say to someone who hates people just as much as you do?

I don’t know. But maybe make them laugh. I had a bit of a Snoopy/Charlie Brown moment with a mate of mine the other day. Friends make other friends laugh: doesn’t that sound like something you’d see on a Peanuts greeting card?

(21:46:21) gorgeous warm-hearted L: i hate vista
(21:49:01) ok not ok: ugh you have vista?
(21:49:04) ok not ok: dude, why?
(21:50:15) gorgeous warm-hearted L why shouldnt i hate it?
(21:50:53) ok not ok: no, dude, why do you HAVE vista
(21:51:01) ok not ok: it suxx0r to the maxx0r
(21:51:08) ok not ok: this is a well-established fact
(21:51:10) gorgeous warm-hearted L: cause my laptop came with it
(21:51:13) ok not ok: ahhh
(21:51:19) ok not ok: oh my. must be well new then
(21:51:28) gorgeous warm-hearted L: about a year old
(21:52:24) gorgeous warm-hearted L: i dont get peopole
(21:52:27) gorgeous warm-hearted L: people suck gemma
(21:52:36) ok not ok: darling, i know <3
(21:53:01) ok not ok: but why hate ppl?
(21:53:16) gorgeous warm-hearted Luke: why not?
(21:53:27) ok not ok: i do too i was wondering what your reason was
(21:53:35) gorgeous warm-hearted L: because they’re all evil
(21:53:48) ok not ok: i hope i’m not
(21:53:53) ok not ok: god knows i try not to
(21:53:59) ok not ok: i mean i don’t even wank
(21:54:23) gorgeous warm-hearted Luke: haahahahaha
(21:54:23) gorgeous warm-hearted Luke: wanking doesnt make you evil
(21:54:36) ok not ok: i know. i just wanted to make you laugh

Conversation with my dad a few days ago.

D: Oh, Wabi Sabi (restaurant)? That’s where all the pretty boys go.
me: What, you mean the good-looking guys?
D: no, no, no. The pretty boys. We have one at work. He goes there.
me: I don’t think exclusively pretty boys dine there, Dad.
D: Oh you know what I mean! Queer!
me: Dad, not all of them are pretty.
D: well a lot of them seem good-looking.
me: I’m sure there are ugly ones. Just like there are attractive and ugly straight people. I’ve met some that didn’t seem all that good-looking to me. Not that I can talk.
D: you know what I meant!
me: yes, I did, but I’m not really into that stereotype where people assume gay people are “pretty”.

“Pretty” here having slightly negative connotations in that queer men devote more attention to their appearance than straight men. Clearly, my father didn’t pay any attention to the fact that my brother spent three times the amount of time in the bathroom than I did in high school. I’d put bets on my brother being safely straight, as he is newly married to a female.

My father’s hilarious.

A friend on Twitter said something to me that I felt was a bit out of place after I complained (yes, I complained) about possibly going on a paid-fare trip to HK to see my mother’s side of the family.

I decided to explain why I have such misgivings, given my guilt.

Dear maternal relatives,

I’m sorry that you think it’s weird that I need to sit alone for a while to write things down and record my experiences.
I’m sorry that the old clothes I sent you didn’t fit you anymore because your girth was more pronounced than my own.
I’m sorry that I went to university, couldn’t find a permanent-long-time partner and have children early while I was still a teen. I’m really, really sorry that I value tertiary education and worked whilst studying to pay for as much of my fees and books as I possibly could.
I’m sorry you don’t really understand what it’s like to have a mood disorder that is essentially chronic and means I have to take medication.
I’m sorry that I am wary of my grandmother because the first thing she said to me last time I saw her was “ooh she got fat” which is sort of the wrong thing to say to a former borderline anorexic, and that I attribute a lot of the psychological abuse suffered at the hands of my mother to her.
I’m sorry I’m a dirty slut for having sexual relations before marriage, and sorrier that I can’t go out alone in the village because you think I’ll be raped.
I’m sorry you are embarrassed that I went out into public without brushing my hair, I didn’t realise that not being impeccably groomed was such a concern to you.
I’m sorry that you think my living in the West means I am luckier than you without exception.
I’m sorry that I get internally frustrated when I am sitting next to my mother and you continually interrupt me and am shouting at her and she still can’t hear me.
I’m sorry that I don’t bring you all more things when I see you.
I’m sorry that I am so like my grandfather; I miss him too. It’s hard being told you resemble this one person so much, and got to spend so little time with that person.

I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry. A Jewish (I mention this only because it is part of their heritage, supposedly) ex-boyfriend of mine once told me that you say it three times to convey just how much you mean it, so there you are.

Do you get it yet? This Western life is so differently difficult, and perpetually lonely. Truly, I am glad you do not know just how lonely it is. The last time I was there, remember how four generations of us sat in Lola’s house, and huddled over kerosene lamps, telling stories and teaching each other games like thumb wrestling? No water, no electricity, buckets on the floor to catch the torrential downpour.

I don’t ever remember feeling such kinship since moving to Australia.

Oh my! Bit behind! Finished reading Eclipse quite some time ago. Impressions as follows:

- so I’m still bummed that Meyer doesn’t know about the subjunctive mood. Call grammar nazi on my arse, I won’t mind
- the most bearable character is a teenage werewolf (Jacob)
- Bella continues to mould, alter and build her life around Edward
- the whole “erotics of abstinence” schtick is getting really old (cheers to @futuresandwich for that fine phrase)
- Bella has two hotties to choose from. Who will she choose?! Read the book and hear her duke it out with them both for four hundred or so pages
- oh, and she’s graduating! and future-sister-in-law wants to throw a party. Oh Bella, your life is so hard when you are surrounded by people who genuinely care about you

In fairness, I did find the first two novels very engaging (exploration of friendship, particularly in the second one was definitely its strength). I found this one very slow going. They don’t seem to improve – that is, Meyer’s craft does not seem to refine (like I found with J. K. Rowling, for example).

Am just halfway through the last one in the series, so will round off this fun little series of snarky blog posts soon and you’ll never have to hear me mention Twilight or Meyer again!

Friday afternoon, week before last. Melbourne was torrential. I was due to have lunch with IP and having stayed up the entire night before was too wobbly on my legs to ride to the train station.

I walked down Bourke St to JB HiFi to get a whole stack of CDs I’d been lusting after…none of which were there, and ended up with the following:

Dark Was the Night, various artists
2CD set, with what is essentially fantastic indie music. I’m really picky when it comes to indie. So yes, Bon Iver is okay, as is Bright Eyes (though I’ve heard some of his live stuff and he seems to sound so much better). This compilation is just gold. I prefer the second disc to the first because it has more electronic-indie stuff, whereas the first disc is more folk-based.

On the first disc, I liked The Books featuring Jose Gonzalez’ ‘Cello Song’, Feist and Ben Gibbons’ ‘Train Song’, Iron & Wine’s (who I understand is just one fellow) ‘Die’, and the Kronos Quartet’s ‘Dark Was The Night’. I’ve heard a bit of Iron & Wine before and didn’t really fancy it much so I’m surprised I liked his contribution here. As for the Kronos Quartet, well, I’m a bit biased there: I love string quartets, it’s my favourite chamber group. Their track is purely instrumental. Sufjan Stevens’ track ‘You Are the Blood’ is quite quirky – bit more electronic than usual. Recalling his Illinoise album, that uses a lot of traditional band instruments, and other acoustic ones like banjo and such. Reminds me of a really slowed-down Dan Deacon.

The second disc is much more upbeat. I loved a lot of tracks on this – Arcade Fire’s ‘Lenin’ (I keep meaning to check this band out but haven’t got round to it) is really boppy. Again, with great bias, the Beirut track ‘Mimizan’ comes recommended though it’s a little less gypsy than the stuff Zach Condon has come up with. Dave Sitek’s ‘With A Girl Like You’ is a cover! A very DIY Casio keyboard version of The Troggs’ song, I think? I love it, it’s hilarious. I’ve subsequently learnt that Sitek is of TV On the Radio fame. There are so many songs on this that I really like. I’ll limit my comments to two more: Conor Oberst singing his ‘Lua’ with Gillian Welch sounds a lot less broken in this rendition, gives it more of a country lilt, and Blonde Redhead with the Devastations is haunting in their collaboration ‘When the Road Runs Out’. This disc has the songs that speak to me more, I feel, but that’s purely down to personal preference.

Oh! and it’s put together for fundraising and awareness of AIDS.

The Fall, Totally Wired: the Rough Trade anthology
Ugh, such a sucker! Ground-breaking British post-punk band with an anthology put together by a famous independent record label?! How was I supposed to resist? After not being able to find Joy Division’s special edition of Closer, I defaulted to The Fall. To my surprise, shitloads of their back catalogue was there, but not my beloved Slates. Then I happened upon this comp and thought “must have!” Seriously, I have an album of The Fall from 2002 or 2003 and Mark E. Smith (a founding member and pretty much the core member) still hasn’t lost it. He’s looking ancient now but his voice has barely changed. Still sounds like he’s spitting out the lyrics in his inimitable fashion. Now he just gets these young things to play around him.

The first disc has a lot of tracks easily accessible from the extended re-release of Slates – many of which are just gold to my ears. The second disc contains songs less familiar to me but notable were ‘Hotel Bloedel’ which is sung by a woman, the Hexen Definitive track ‘Strife Knot’, and ‘Eat Y’Self Fitter’ – a more than fitting parody on society’s fixation with eating right for health. Of course I am going to feel passionately about this comp because it has one of my all-time favourite songs ‘An Older Lover Etc’.

I’ll try to review the other CDs I bought a bit later.

Three weeks. Sigh. It was good while it lasted. I am greedy, I want more than three weeks. I deserve more than three weeks. And no, it’s not at all about a boy. Or sex.

I sent my ‘After Daphne Gottlieb’ poem to my beloved mentor, and…he liked it. Edited it a bit for me too. I feel like a junkie who just got their high. I’ll have to print out his edition and compare to mine, but nevertheless, pleased as punch. Now that I have a bit more distance from the poem, it’s really fucking creepy. I’m not smart enough to be creepy, generally, so I’m quite chuffed. Yes, a very non-creepy reaction, I know.

I’m excited to be collaborating with a fantastic visual artist friend of mine, who also has encyclopaedic musical knowledge. I should have told him, but I’m going to be aiming for a ‘A Softer World’ type art project gone horribly wrong.

A big thanks to big sis for reading my most recent poem for me. I had this poem brewing about Dunbar’s number in my head for months and it finally decided to pop out! Whee!